I write this from the beach town of Long Beach, Washington. You may remember that because of my worst week in RV life at end of July, I changed my November – December plans. Instead of working at Amazon in Phoenix, I opted to return to one of my favorite places. And, so, it is from this spot today that I am sad to report I am no longer a pet parent. Kitty died.

I started RV life four years ago with a dog and a cat. Today, I sit in Quill alone. But even though my trailer is empty, my heart is full for having known those two beautiful souls who shared their life’s journey and all their love with me. How lucky am I?

I introduced you to the road cat, Kitty (yes, stupidest cat name ever), two months after I embarked on the full-time RVer journey. In it, I told the story of finding her living in the weeds beside my first house in Alaska in the summer of 2005. (The feature image was the very first photo I took of her when she was living in the weeds and I was trying to figure out what to do about her.)

And, though I wasn’t interested in owning a cat, I couldn’t bring myself to take her to the pound where I knew what could happen. Even before I had pets, I made regular donations to the local rescue so I knew from their newsletters the stats of animals found, animals adopted and animals euthanized due to non-adoption. I just couldn’t bring myself to take her in knowing she might fall into the latter group.

So, I became the owner of a two-year-old cat.

One Kitty Story

I don’t have nearly as many stories about Kitty as I did about Solstice. But I’ve been ruminating about a few. Here is one that always makes me laugh.

Okay, admittedly, this story is probably more about me than about her. But it’s a story I love.

One summer day, my sister and I went for a bike ride. Somewhere in the middle, we switched bikes. I can’t even remember why but I know I was on her bike as the story unfolds. My sister was quite a bit behind me and when she came around the corner to the front of my house, she found me standing by her bike which was tipped over at the end of my driveway.

She said, “Why did you throw my bike on the ground?”

I didn’t throw her bike on the ground, I informed her. The bike was on the ground because I fell off of it. How and why, you might wonder, does a grown up going two miles per hour fall off a bike?

What happened was this: as I approached my house on my sister’s bike, I looked up and, in the second floor big picture window, I saw Kitty looking down on me. Of course, I did what any reasonable person would do. I looked up and started waving to my cat. At the exact same moment, I hit the curb of the driveway and down I went. And, no, the cat didn’t seem one bit concerned about any potential injuries I might have sustained.

So, my bike crash was Kitty’s fault making this a story about Kitty.

A Certain Symmetry to Things

In Solstice’s obituary, I said the beginning of the end for her was in Long Beach in November 2018. It would take another six months and several more states before she left me but the road to her last day started in Long Beach.

Isn’t it interesting that Kitty’s ended here, especially when you consider it was never my plan to be in Long Beach in the first place?

The Beginning of the End

Two months ago, while my sister was visiting me at my workamping job in Sumpter, Oregon (I’ll have an entire post on her visit but let me share here that at one point I found myself in a bar clucking like a chicken) she found two space heaters in the cabin where she stayed. The place isn’t heated so they run the heaters in the winter. Anyway, my sister immediately turned them on high 24/7 for the duration of her visit. It was getting cooler by early October for sure, but she also lives in Puerto Vallarta so the mountain air was too chilly for her to handle.

We took Kitty to the cabin one evening while we had wine and sister time. Kitty, no kidding, was instantly in love with the heater. It’s one of those oil-filled ones that look like a radiator. They radiate heat rather blow out hot air. Have you seen those? She would actually lean up against it. How she didn’t catch fire, I do not know. She just couldn’t get close enough to the warmth.

Then, after Kitty learned where the heater was, I would open the trailer door in the morning to go to the cabin to shower, she would dash out the door and beat me over to spend the day sleeping against the heater. She loved it so much I ended up borrowing another heater from the park ranger so Kitty could have one in the trailer at night time. And, after I left Sumpter, I bought one so she’d always be toasty warm.

Later, when I called to tell my sister about Kitty’s departure, we picked through Kitty’s last two months looking for signs that it was the end.

My sister, a former RN, said physiologically Kitty was losing heat. That was why she wouldn’t leave the heater. And when a person starts losing heat it means their organs are shutting down and can’t pump blood to keep the body warm.

Kitty frequently walked between the trailer and the cabin on her own. There are woods and lots of places for a cat to hide in the surrounding area. In other words, since it was near the end, she could’ve walked off any time and, it is now clear to us, that she was ready to go for a while before she actually went.

But she had a really good reason for staying. She stayed for me.

The Last Days

The change was so subtle I didn’t even notice it until after she departed and I looked back on her last days. In the last four or five days, she wasn’t eating much. Maybe even nothing. Just like Solstice who didn’t eat a single bite of food during her last 10 days. Kitty had been getting so skinny in the last couple years. I’m guessing she was half the weight she had been most of her life. In the end, she was probably six pounds.

At night, Kitty slept under my covers, usually draped over my arm and against my chest. If I wasn’t holding her tight enough, she would scratch at me until I pulled her closer. Her last couple nights, she’d ask to get under the covers and a few minutes later she’d leave. Then she’d walk across the kitchen counter, via my head. Then back again, over to her litter box, down on the floor to the front door and back again to paw at my face until I lifted the covers for her to get back under. A little while later, it would begin again.

The Last Night

The last night, it was triple what it had been in the days before. So much so, I got almost zero sleep with her constantly walking on me, asking to get in and out of the covers. At one point, she did something she had never done before. Standing on top of me, she started scratching on the window shade. I lifted it and then she started scratching on the window.

I had started defusing oil (which I verified was safe for cats before I turned it on) and I thought maybe she didn’t like the lavender smell so, even though it was cold, I opened the window thinking fresh air was what she was asking for. Nope. Kitty then started scratching at the screen. I opened the screen just to see what would happen and she immediately tried to get out. But I caught her before she jumped. I pulled her back in and tucked her under the covers with me and held her tight.

Making a Dash

I woke up in the morning feeling a little hung over from lack of sleep. After I showered, I came back to the trailer. When I opened the door, Kitty dashed outside. This didn’t worry me because since hitting the road, I allowed her to have a few minutes outside on a regular basis. It wasn’t her first dash. Recently, with her age, she’d usually be gone two or three minutes and want to come back inside to be by the heater.

But on this day, this time, she did not return.

It was after she’d been away for a couple hours that, first, I looked for her. Then I reflected on her behavior during the night and the previous days and I knew she wasn’t lost. She was just gone.

I spent another couple days looking for her, unsure about whether I wanted to find her body or not. On the one hand, of course I did because then I’d know the outcome with 100% certainty. Plus, it seems really unfair that I have Solstice’s ashes. Not to have Kitty’s would mean, once again, Kitty got screwed by Solstice, a running theme in Kitty’s life. On the other hand, did I really want to find a body after days exposed to the elements?

If I had known, I would’ve taken her to a vet to have her put down. I’ve read cats have no concept of death so they don’t know they are dying, they only know they need to go off to be alone. I hope that’s true. As I struggle with the way she left this world, my friend said that I should take heart in the fact that Kitty chose her own exit and went out on her own terms. Trips to the vet always terrified her which meant her last hour would’ve been horrible. There is comfort in that. Still, the idea of her taking her last breath without me by her side, holding her close and tight the way she loved, is heart wrenching.

The Timing of Her Departure

My sister says that two months from the time Kitty started really losing heat is a long time for her to have held on. A long time. But there was a reason. Kitty knew I needed her to stay. If you subscribe to this blog, you know from the emails that accompany each post the last few months have been pretty tough for me.

In Sumpter I met a woman with whom I felt an instant connection. I’ll share the whole story in a later post. The only way to explain the way everything fell into place like perfectly aligned dominos is that the universe gave me what I needed long before I knew I’d be needing it.

From eastern Oregon where she was on a vacation weekend, we met up again 450 miles west in Long Beach. She invited me to join her family at the Ilwaco Crab Pot Tree Lighting celebration. Friday, the night before the celebration, we went to dinner. Then spent most of Saturday together before the tree lighting. I had such a lovely time with them that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye so I suggested we get together a third time the following morning before they left to go back to Portland. So, for three days in a row, I enjoyed the company of really good people.

Sunday, after coffee, a walk through a cannery museum and a visit to the Astoria Column (again, I’ll tell you all about this in a future post, including the 164 steps up to the top), I said goodbye to my new friends and returned to Quill happy. Really happy. Kitty must’ve felt the energy shift. That night was Kitty’s last night sleeping by my side, the last in the past sixteen and a half years.

Making Meaning

My sister expressed this beautifully when she said to me, “Kitty made sure your sense of safety and security had returned. She hung on to be with you while you were in a difficult place and once she knew you were starting to find yourself again, to feel like yourself again, to be your happy self once again, she decided it was okay to leave. Kitty made sure love and hope had returned to your life. Then she sealed you with a heart and went on her way.”

Kitty and Solstice Together Again?

It’s been two and a half years since I lost Solstice. For longtime readers, you’ll remember I lost my beloved dog on Kitty’s 16^th birthday which was one more way that Kitty got kind of screwed when it came to Solstice. That year, Kitty did not get a birthday present or a party.

Well, okay, the idea of Kitty and Solstice together again is a fantasy. My fantasy. I know with absolutely certainty that Kitty could go the whole of eternity without seeing the black monster that was Solstice. Kitty was never a fan of the dog and never warmed up to her, not even after the nearly 12 years they spent together. Still, I have a little wish that maybe Solstice will check on Kitty every once in a while. Even if only from a distance. Kitty, I’m certain, will not be checking in on the monster.

How Does This Change RV Life?

I’d be lying if I said losing Kitty hasn’t caused me to rethink my plans. I mentioned in a post earlier this year that once the pets were gone, I might consider some international travel. One item on that list is to spend several months with my sister in Mexico. Well, now that Kitty is gone, who knows? With my open invitation to Mexico, you just might find me on a much warmer beach, sans Quill, in the very near future.

The vague idea currently running around in my head is that I will extend my time here in Long Beach at least through the end of January. I want to get my footing and my focus and see my new friends a time or two again. Then maybe I’ll cancel the rest of the winter and spring plans in Arizona and Utah, and simply head to Mexico.

From there, we’ll see what happens.

Farewell

So it is, that I am sending Kitty back to the weeds. Be well and happy, my little nugget girl!

Kitty: May 2, 2003 – December 6, 2021

Links to Relevant Posts:

• Worse Week Ever in My RV Life
• Long Beach, Washington on the Long Beach Peninsula
• Obituary of a Supersize Dog
• The Road Cat: Introducing Kitty
• The Road Dog: Introducing Solstice
• Non-RV and International Travel I Want to Do

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