Last week, I set the stage. Not a complicated one, to be sure. I suspect if you have ever been to a high school reunion, it had a ring of familiarity. But today’s post is the heart of the matter. What is a high school reunion really about? What are the moments of clarity and insight?

In some ways, I think my experiences are probably universal and, like the stage, will have a ring of familiarity. On the other hand, my realizations and insights are uniquely mine, so maybe it won’t sound familiar at all.

Let me know.

High School’s Over

Did you ever see the movie The Jane Austin Book Club? I love that movie and have watched it many times. From the first time I saw it, there was a line in it that has never left me. A poignant line, like a punch to the gut, full of truth. At least to me. I’ve quoted it to myself many times and to others a few times.

In the scene, a young woman, Prudie, (played brilliantly by Emily Blunt) struggles to find her place in the book club and in life and in her marriage and in the world. She breaks down with fear and jealousy in an argument with her husband because the husband spoke to a woman she went to high school with. Prudie relays to her husband the woman wasn’t very nice to her in high school. He says to her, “high school’s over.” Prudie’s gut-wrenching reply? “High school’s never over.”

I love that line.

It was such a great line, an impactful simple statement, it made the trailer. Watch the trailer HERE. If you don’t want to watch the full two-minute trailer—though you should—go to 1:10 and watch for 15 seconds.

It just resonates.  

High School’s Never Over

I don’t think it matters whether you were a science nerd or a jock, popular or on the sidelines, the line resonates because it wraps up all those feelings of inadequacy and our perceived place in the social order of things.

It resonates because even when you are no longer cemented to your place in the pecking order that is high school, the feelings of not enough-ness, of not belonging, of being an outsider looking in remain. Feelings remain in work life, family life, love life, community life.

It resonates because it is a statement not about our external life but deeply about our internal life. And, of course, leaving high school changes one’s external life but our internal life is exclusively our own and something that never leaves us.

Okay, more on Jane Austin in a bit.  

But first…a side note: I met the author of the book on which the movie is based at a writer’s conference. Of course I bought her book and she autographed it for me. But, sadly, in the quest to live as a full-time traveler, it was one of many autographed books I downsized.

And, one more side note. The movie, in my opinion, is a rare example of the movie being better than the book.

Other Random Thoughts

  • Women were easier to recognize than the men. They looked more like themselves, an older version of the face I knew from the halls of Laramie High. I’m not the only one who made this observation.
  • Still, I thought everyone looked great. This, regardless of whether they had hair or not, of the body type they’d grown into, or the weathered skin from sunny climates. I didn’t see them with the judgement my younger self might have. I saw classmates with the eyes of familiarity, with the recognition that we have known each other since we were five years old if we started out in elementary school together or 12 years old when all moved to junior high. (In my town there was only one junior high and one high school.)
  • When sharing where I come from, I have always said I lived in a town where everyone knew everyone. It felt that way and I’ve said it since I left. It was one of the reasons I wanted out as soon as I graduated. But I found myself genuinely surprised at how many people I didn’t know. No memory of the face, the name…and looking at their picture in the yearbook (genius move to make that available at the reunion) didn’t help one iota. This realization required I shift a 50-year firmly held belief about my hometown and my growing up years.
  • Despite being young at heart and most of us repeating some version of “How did 40 years pass so quickly?” a certain reality exists by the fact we are closing in on 60. There were conversations of divorce, multiple divorces, cancer, suicide, addiction, health issues and health crises, financial hardships, retirement, and classmates no longer with us (22 from a class of 300). Conversations around aging parents were inevitable and, the day before the reunion began, two of my classmates lost their fathers.

Bad Vegan

This isn’t profound, but it is funny.

Someone bought me a drink (thanks, Camy) and with it only half gone someone else told me three different people bought him a drink. “Come look,” he said and lead me to a line of drinks. “Pick one,” he said. Then handed me a whisky sour. First time I ever had a whisky sour. I liked it so much, I had several more in the days that followed.

After the reunion, I looked up the recipe. They are made with egg whites. Who knew? Good thing I remain a vegan with a cheese clause. That is my way to say I don’t get mad at myself when I’m not perfect.

Another “Not Perfect” Moment

After the first night’s mixer concluded, five of us wandered the downtown streets of Laramie. You’ll remember from last week’s post it was Jubilee Days which included people wander the street from bar to bar, a street dance and a block of food trucks.

Someone in the group said we needed to go find something to eat. Food on a stick was the only thing he’d consider.

An entire block, both sides of the street, and we found no food-on-a-stick options. Solution? Potstickers. Get it? Pot “stick” ers. We can say we did have stick food, just not food on a literal stick.

It was night time, dark. And, rather than ask, I told myself the potstickers were vegetables and not pork.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

High School Bullying

I grew up in a time before bullying was talked about, before the impact on those targeted was understood. Short- and long-term impact.

The internet and social media did not invent bullying. It simply offered another, perhaps more public, form of the intensely ugly and aggressive behavior. Pre-computers, we all knew the handful of kids who were targeted. One of the things life experiences (and age) brought to the table is the willingness and ability to talk about it.

Before the reunion kicked off, I spoke to one person who shared her experience with relentless bullying. The context was trepidation. She was nervous that her tormentors would be at the reunion and the feelings that went along with the experience. High school is never over.

There was no way to avoid her tormentors as she and I helped with check in. Every attendee stopped at the desk where we sat.

I am not going to share the details of the bullying because that is her story to tell, not mine. But I was privileged enough to witness a moment of healing and closure she experienced.

It wasn’t the grand apology she deserved. It wasn’t even the acknowledgment of what one of her tormentors had done. But one bully came up to the table and said hello. Then proceeded to have a very normal “what have you been doing for the last 40 years” conversation with her.

The person walked away and she turned to me and said, “I think I can put it behind me now.” In a single simple human (and humane) interaction, the weight of high school felt lifted. It certainly couldn’t undo what he had done or make her un-remember but somehow it gave her a kind of peace that had alluded her up to that point.

Maybe, just maybe, high school is over.

Jane Austin, Time & Old Wounds

We might have different politics, lifestyles, religions. You know, all the biggies. But at this reunion, I was profoundly aware of what we had in common. We walked across a stage on May evening 40 years earlier, moved our mortarboard tassels from right to left. We watched each other grow up.

High School is never over. I still love the line. But after this reunion, I don’t feel it like I used to. I’m sure a big factor is age. The older you get, the less you are concerned with what others think. You understand the importance of deep connections, understand how painfully short life is which makes you appreciate simple moments and live for joy. We might be woven in the fabric of each other’s lives but we are no longer defined solely by those threads.

One Such Experience

I spent most of the three days with two people. Interestingly–or maybe not when you consider what I wrote above–we three were not friends in high school. In fact, we cannot even remember a single interaction with each other. But we came together like magnets for reasons I cannot explain.

And, while we had a hoot (and more than a few whisky sours together) during the three days of the reunion, the absolutely best part of us hanging out then was what came next. Our deep connection and new-found friendship has continued. We are in regular and frequent communication with each other.

Final Notes

Before the reunion, I swore I’d never serve on the reunion committee again. It wasn’t the fun experience it should’ve been. But after the reunion, after three days of fun and unexpected connections combined with our age, a few of us made the executive decision that we cannot wait another 10 years for the next one.

So…the Rogue Reunion 42* was born. The asterisk indicates the unusualness of the year because have you ever heard of a 42nd reunion? Rogue is because two of us were having lunch one day (I flew to Phoenix and met up with the woman in the photo above…see I told you the connection continues) and we just decided to make it happen.

We didn’t (and don’t) care if we are the only ones who show up. We just needed an excuse to get together again. But mostly we wanted others to have the opportunity to make connections, to walk down memory lane and to spend a few days laughing.

The theme of Rogue Reunion 42* is Fun and Funny.

Your Turn

Did you attend your high school reunions? Would love to hear stories and reflections about your high school reunion experiences.

And stay tuned…later this week and next week there will be two posts, including a few updates and a big announcement!

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