Today I turn 50.
For years, if you asked how I’d be spending this birthday, the answer was simple: you’d find me in Greece.
Ever since I saw the British movie Shirley Valentine (watch the trailer here) I’ve been obsessed with vacationing in Greece, obsessed with having a vacation like hers. I would swim in the deep blue water of the Mediterranean Sea, have an affair with a handsome Greek (brother’s boat optional) and experience something so profound my eyes would open as if for the first time. I’d be willing to change my whole life to never go back to the “before” picture.
Yeah, I know, it’s a lot of pressure to put on one fortnight vacation.
The movie was released in 1989. I saw it a few years later. I loved it so much I immediately bought the VHS. More recently, the worn VHS was replaced with a DVD. I’ve watched it 20 times or more. Three times in the last year alone.
The irony isn’t lost on me that, on the surface, Shirley and I couldn’t be more different. She is married with grown children; I’ve never had either. Shirley is a barely-made-it-through-high-school housewife; I am a longtime executive-level professional with a master’s degree. She is British; I’m American. She is 42; the first time I watched the movie I was 28 (though the last time I watched it I was 49). Shirley talks to walls; I try not to.
So why does this movie speak to me so profoundly? And why has it spoken to me to for all these years? Why do I watch it again and again?
Why indeed! What we have in common–besides an appreciation for a glass of wine at the end of the day–is we both did exactly what was expected and never questioned it. We both have known there is more, just not how to get it. Shirley says it best:
I have allowed myself to lead this little life, when inside me there was so much more. And it’s all gone unused. And now it never will be. Why do we get all this life if we don’t ever use it? Why do we get all these feelings and dreams and hope if we don’t ever use them? That’s where Shirley Valentine disappeared to. She got lost in all this unused life.
Tears spring to my eyes every time I get to that part in the movie. Every time! At 28, it made me feel incredibly lonely because I had the same feelings as a middle aged woman. While I’ve had a fulfilling career, great friends, I am embarrassed and sickened to admit those feelings remain all these years later. It’s been 20 years since I first watched Shirley Valentine. It spoke to me then and it speaks to me now.
The difference is now I’m ready to do something about it.
Shirley’s realization about her life comes during the two-week holiday she takes to Greece with her friend (mate, in British speak). And when it’s time to return home Shirley decides she likes the person she is on holiday better than the woman she is at home. So she stays.
My realization took a little longer but the result is the same: a dramatic life change. I guess you could say I’m going on permanent holiday too.
I’ve decided to rid myself of 90% of my possessions, including my house, move into a couple hundred square feet on wheels and hit the road to see my country, maybe my continent. It may not hold all the answers, but it’s a start. I’m going on a search for my unused life.
At the end of the movie, Shirley’s husband arrives in Greece with a mission of fetching his wife back to her old life. The audience, of course, knows she isn’t going anywhere. As he walks toward her burdened with his suitcase, she sits at a table on the edge of the sea at sunset with wine for two. She turns to the camera:
Oh, I hope he stays for a while. He needs a holiday. He needs to feel the sun on his skin and to be in water that’s as deep as forever.
It’s a perfect movie moment. And, yes, tears spring to my eyes here too.
If my life were a movie, I’d turn to the camera a say: Look out Shirley Valentine, my hero, Debbie LaFleiche is downsizing her home to supersize her life. I am on a quest for a life filled with adventure, creativity, fun, freedom and water as deep as forever.
Come along for the ride. Join the journey!
I was so inspired by this post! Can’t wait to follow you on your journey.
It gives me chills to see your experience & dreams unfold? What an exciting time & profound journey you are embarking upon, or rather have already begun! “Remember, Happiness Is A Way of Travel, Not A Destination!” Enjoy every moment as it unfolds for it will never repeat the moment! Embrace our “superfun” (-: garage sales because one day they will be gone! I’m so happy for you to go full force into your dreams, experience the unknown & share it with the entire world, here, thru your writing! Now that is living a dream! There is something very exhilarating & nostalgic, all at once, about wandering the world! As told, “Not all who wander are lost!” HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a sister I admire in a million ways! You have been a sister, a mother & a best friend to me always! I love you dearly & truly can not express the excitement I have for you to “take life by the horns” & truly experience living! Remember, I can catch a plane anywhere, so don’t think this is your “escape from lil’ sister following”. (-: HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY! A super way to celebrate! CHEERS to a new year, a new life! I love you <3
Thanks, Sis!
Inspiring. I can’t wait to follow this journey! Cheers to you, my friend, for the bravery it takes to go after a dream.
I’ll be following you!!! If you travel through AZ, look me up!?
Amy, I’m so glad you found the blog. You were actually on my list of people to contact to share my news. I was going to do it this week. You must’ve seen the post on Missy’s Facebook feed. Arizona is on my list of places–I know it’s obvious but I’m rally excited to see the Grand Canyon–and you are on my list of people to visit while I’m there.
YAY! I will enter my email so I get notifications on your journey!
She turned her can’ts into cans and her dreams into plans! YOU are an inspiration and I can’t wait to read more about your journey!
I really look forward to better understanding what it takes to downsize, how the big changes affect you, and the day-to-day life that will come with this big upheaval. So exiting and so much to learn!
Debbie! What an incredible journey you will have traveling – and following your passion for writing, too! Thank you for reaching out to me and inviting me to follow this page. I can’t wait to see where the road takes you. If you ever get out to Baltimore, let me know!
Thanks, Liz. You are now officially on the list of people to visit!
Congratulations Debbie-on ring true to yourself! I am looking forward to following your journey as you inspire others and live the life you want!
I look forward to living the journey through your eyes. I’m thankful for your life and am thrilled for you. I look forward to seeing you in either Wyoming or Colorado. Depending on the time of year. You are always welcome at my home.
Debbie: LOVE THIS! And I always loved that film, too. In some way, I think each of us has some “unused life” just waiting there to be filled with something meaningful, something wonderful. Congratulations on turning your eyes and your attention to that part of you that’s waiting! Can’t wait to follow your journey!
Thank you, Julie. That’s such a lovely thing to say. You’re the first person who has mentioned knowing the movie. I’m sure I’ll be quoting her in the future so glad to know someone is as big of a fan as I am.
Debbie, i will forward to reading your posts. Congratulations on fulfilling your dreams! I know you will have an incredible journey!
Thank you Arlene. So glad you found the blog.
Loved that movie too. Continuing my own world travels after discarding most of my possessions–so liberating… You will have the most amazing experiences–buen viaje y buena suerte! And keep writing!
Thanks, Linda. And I hope your travel are all you had hoped they would be. Are you writing as you hoped you would be?
Maybe one day you will be RVing in Greece! I Love You, Marie
Hello Debbie – just starting our plans for this life and I found your blog through searching out Ollie trailers. I’m excited to read this all the way through to learn from your journey.
Aww, thank you Tasha! If I can answer any questions for you along the way. Let me know. It’s definitely a journey with highs and lows. But it is a great life.